All Christmas Post

Your Elf Name Is...

Pixie Mince Meat

What's Your Elf Name?

You Were Pretty Average This Year

You Were 55% Naughty, 45% Nice You tried to be a good girl this year... But as you know, being good isn't that fun! If you're extra sweet, you may have enough time to get on that nice list.

Were You a Naughty Girl or Nice Girl this Year?

You Are Vixen

Sexy and sultry, you're the one all the other reindeer dream about. Why You're Naughty: That fur pulling spat you got into with Dancer over Santa. Why You're Nice: Because even when you're nice, you're still delightfully naughty!

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

You Are a Losing Lottery Ticket!

Full of hope and promise. But in the end, a cheap letdown.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

Your Christmas Stocking Will Be Filled With Little Wrapped Presents

You've made Santa a very happy fellow this year. Don't worry - what happens at the North Pole stays at the North Pole!

What Will Be In Your Christmas Stocking?

Toenail Poll

The results are in and there's no hanging chads. I'm sure you always wanted to know what others do with the clippings from their toenails. Well now you know.

43% of you leave them there on the floor as God intended
29% Photograph them and sell them on eBay
No one seems to have a collection of toenail clippings
And a small percentage of weirdos carry them to the trash and throw them away

Click here to see the official results. A new poll will be coming soon right after I think one up.

Pics from my trip home

Here's the albums for my trip home. Did it in 7 days this time instead of 5. That includes a day and a half long ferry ride from JNU to Prince Rupert, CAN (Canada...grumble, grumble). I stopped off in Bozeman, MT to visit the Museum of the Rockies. I was going to visit Mount Rushmore, but had to cut my trip short do to Toyota troubles (see note under my list of Things I Could Do Without). I figure it will still be there the next time I travel the country so I can see it later. It's not like they're going to remodel it and replace President Lincoln with Bill Clinton or Millard Fillmore.

Trip Home 1
Trip Home 2
Trip Home 3

O cruel fate, why dost thou tempt me?

On my trip up to Alaska I had many songs burned onto CDs. I thought for sure that I had plenty for the trip. The only problem was that I didn't ever want to stop to switch the CDs in my disk changer. I only bothered to do it once. So I ended up listening to the same CDs over and over 16 hours a day. I now have a strong contempt for many of those songs, one of which was "Free And Easy" by Dierks Bentley. It wasn't one of my all-time favorites to begin with, and it certainly wasn't after listening to it 37 times. Whose evil trick was it to have that song be in the top 10 on the radio at the same time as my trip back to Michigan? Let me know so I can kick their @$$.

In My Room (Sung in High Octave Falsetto)

Since I'm now moved out I thought it would be a good idea to finally post how my room in Alaska looked.

My room

My room from a different angle

My bed

My entertainment system

My library

My walk in closet sideways

My moose

My Christmas decorations I leave up all year

My miniatures collection

I'm back

As most of you know, I'm back in MI now. If you didn't...surprise! Not sure what I'm going to do about this blog. I'm not a Fudgie in Juneau anymore. Pretty soon I'll post the harrowing tale of my trip here along with the photos I took driving by at highway speeds.

Until then, I'll post my everyday ramblings that you've grown so fond of. This morning I brushed my teeth. Then I ate my leftover subway sammich. Then I...no, just kidding.

I applied for three jobs this morning. One as a bank teller, heh heh. One as a van driver for what I can assume is the elderly and infirm. And one at a carbide cutting manufacturing plant in Lewiston. That one was the hardest. I was trying to print out a nice envelope to mail my resume (pronounced reh-zoom). I wasted at least 5 good envelopes. The first few were lost to paper jams until I figured out how to load it properly. I printed the next one and realized I'd spelled 'carbine' instead of 'carbide'. When I printed the next one and thought I had it all worked out and was ready to mail, I realized I spelled the lady's name wrong that it was attention to. Who spells their name Triscia anyway? Hookers and cesspool salesmen, that's who.

Side note: this evening I'm applying for more jobs online. I was checking the Bay City Tribune for listings. I looked at all the jobs. Just for funsies I checked out all the apartments for rent, homes for rent, homes for sales, RV and trailer lots for rent, et cetera. After I was all done and satisfied I noticed the tag after the title of the newspaper. "Matagorda County's Leading News Source Since 1845." Matagorda County? There's no Matagorda County in MI. I had been looking at the Bay City, TX newspaper.

Special Holloween Post

Your Monster Profile

War Slimer You Feast On: Grass You Lurk Around In: Wal-mart You Especially Like to Torment: Your Exes

What's Your Monster Name?

Your Halloween Costume Should Be

Candy Corn

What Should You Be For Halloween?

Your Unique Halloween Costume is a Birthday Stripper

Shocking? Maybe...

What Totally Unique Halloween Costume Should You Wear?

Your Vampire Name Is...

Lenore of Scandinavia

What's Your Vampire Name?

Butterfinger

They call you sticky fingers for a reason!

What Kind of Candy Are You?

You Are

A Distressed Pumpkin Face You would make a good pumpkin pickle.

What's Your Pumpkin Face?

You Are Apple Cider

Smooth and comforting. But downright nasty when cold.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Par-tay

So I was invited to a party yesterday. The hostess said show up around 9ish. I got there a little after nine and we were the only ones there. But I still wrote my name on my beer to make sure it didn't get confused with any of the other drinks. It was at least 45 minutes before the other hostess even showed up. Finally at 10 another person came. They were all calling people begging them to come 'cause it's not really a party with only 4 people. It's more like a really sad book club or something. Eventually around 11 or so more people came. We played a couple silly drinking games. There was a photo taken of me popping the ID back into the pants pocket of some girl after it came out. At the end of the night we ate at Pelminis, which serves pelminis (Russian dumplings). They were just a little meatball wrapped in dough, boiled, then sprinkled with McCormic's seasoned salt that they charge $5 for.

Funniest 'Whose Line' Clip of All Time

This has nothing to do with me or Alaska, but I just had to blog it. I was hard at work at the gun store when I found this clip.

My Anti-Climactic Future

Your Anti Climactic Fortune

Deep into your future, I forsee: Human stupidity

The Anti Climactic Fortune Teller

Trans-Am-O-Meter

Thanks to a few extra deposits to my Trans Am savings account and my mutual funds doing so well, I reached my goal a lot sooner than I expected. So much sooner, in fact, that I decided to increase my goal to $14,000 so I can spring for one with lower miles. Awesome, huh?

Moose Trip

Here's the photos from my moose trip. A few photos I'd like to point out are in album 2. They actually bothered to put a stop sign up at the intersection of 2 unmarked roads that lead to popular hunting trails.

The second one is the photo of the prized grouse my dad shot strapped to the roof of our Explorer.

Moose Trip

Moose Trip 2

Yippee!

My Trans-Am-O-Meter has hit $10,000! Only $2,000 more to go.

Yakutraz Day IV

I triumphantly finished the vault sheet only to discover the next day that my calculator was adding decimal places wrong. This was, of course, after I announced to my manager and the VP of Operations that I discovered all these errors carried over from the previous days. I blame it on Yakutat. My IQ dropped 30 points when the plane touched down. It wasn't me, I swear. It was the calculator. I thought about taking it home just so everyone would believe me. I was gonna put it at my desk at work along with my other nic nacs and put up a little sign. "The Amazing Calculator That Doesn't Calculate! Do Not Feed!"

The new girl showed up that day nearly 30 minutes late. I had to enter the branch by myself and call around to see who could come in. She moseyed in just as I was getting off the phone w/ the VP of Ops. The girl did her teller studies all day and refused to answer the phone even when I was with a member. And even tho I showed her how. She didn't mind using the phone to make personal calls tho.

Amazingly, nothing else went wrong the rest of the day. I got out of there on time for the first time that week. I went to my room, ate one of my $5 TV dinners and watched my favorite of the Gene Hackman movies which I thought was going to be my most hated, Heartbreakers. Also starred Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hugeboobs. I found that I didn't much care for getting out of work on time since that left me with oodles of free time and nothing to do. I made a call to the gun store to make sure they got my email about faxing the FFL for the AR I was purchasing. The guy on the other end said, "I hope you're not calling from where it sounds like you're calling.... Prison." "Close enough," I said. "Yakutat."

Yakutraz Day III

The day started out nice enough. The sun was out, but I could tell it had rained the night before since the windows in my Expedition were dirty. And of course, the wipers worked on the windshield, but there was no washer fluid. The fluid worked on the back window, but not the wiper. Unrelated to those problems but still annoying was the fact that the cartridge for the CD player was missing. It wouldn't be so bad if Yakutat got more than one radio station. It played a variety of genres, including modern country, 40s blues and broadcasts of local committee meetings. Most of the time I opted to be alone with my thoughts than listen to it.

The morning was fairly slow at the CU. I had the chance to complain to the admin assistant about my room and the infestation there. She hopped on the phone and apparently gave the owners a good tongue lashing. The owners of the lodge called me and offered to set off a bug bomb and give me some more movies to watch.

The afternoon brought 3 people in all at once wanting to open new accounts. And w/ the snails pace computers it took forever. We had bunches, no, bushels of people waiting in line. They must have backed a whole foot out the door. The vault was off again that night and I had to stay until after 7. I couldn't figure it out so I took it home to stew over. At home I had a TV dinner and watched another Gene Hackman movie. The new selection of movies they brought wasn't very appealing. It included an instructional line dancing video, Kickerboxer II and a host of other titles even more forgettable. I snapped some photos of my room and of all the dead spiders I found after they set off the bug bomb. At least they're dead. Now all I have to worry about is irreversable chromosome damage.

Yakutat

Yakutraz Day II

I woke up the next morning and looked in the cupboards for some breakfast. Doritos and beef jerky. I was listening to my headphones after changing my clothes and went back into the kitchen. I jumped back and yelped when I saw a ginormous spider in the sink. It had been there the whole time I was rummaging around for food. After collecting myself I slowly reached for the Dawn soap. I snuck around to the other side of the sink and doused it so it couldn't escape. After he was sufficiently immobilized I flushed him down the drain. I then searched all of the crevasses for more spiders lurking. When I was certain the infestation had been quelled I set out for the day.

I headed for Canon Beach, which is apparently the only attraction in Yakutat since three people told me to visit it. I snapped a few photos while keeping a watchful eye out for bears, which I knew must number in the millions in this part of Alaska. Though I wasn't mulled this time, I wasn't taking any chances. Travelling back to town I passed a sign that was much more appropriate then the two "Welcome to Yakutat" signs just up the road. It said Middle of Nowhere. The second day at the credit union wasnt nearly so stressful, but I had to help all the members myself since the teller with all the 3 weeks experience wasn't working that day. I was still there until almost 7pm trying to work out all the vault problems. I'd like to say I got in some good overtime, but since the branch doesn't open up until late I wasn't even making my 8 hours some days.

I bought some groceries alt Mallot's General Store, the biggest business for the Yakutat CU. Marie Calendar TV dinners were $5 each. That's more than the inflated prices in Juneau. I can't wait until Wal-Mart opens. I miss Sam's Choice. I did find some itty bitty Hagen-Daz ice creams, tho. $1.49 for 4.23 oz. So I ate my ice cream and watched one of my Gene Hackman movies. With no alarm clock I set the timer on the kitchen stove to wake my up the next day.

Yakutraz Day I

The plane left JNU true to its word, 50% on time. We flew above the clouds and even some of the mountains peaks could still be seen. After the clouds parted several glaciers could be seen carving out the mountain sides. While descending, all I saw were mountains, valleys and other prettyish kind of wilderness. I thought how could there be an airport here. There's nothing! Then suddenly we touched down on pavement and I saw this rusted airplane hangar w/ broken windows that I only hoped hadn't been used in ages. As I waited for my bag I looked around for the car rental person who was supposed to pick me up. Since neither one of us knew who we were looking for, we never found each other. I opened my cell phone to call the credit union..."searching for signal".

While still waiting for my bag, my cell phone vibrated. "Someone's calling me. Somebody loves me!" I thought. It was only my cell phone powering down. Apparently when I charged it the night before I had stuck the charger in the headphone jack instead of the charging jack. I walked over the the Yakutat Lodge which sported a sign saying, "Food, shelter, booze." All the necessities of life. I asked if I had a room there. I hadn't and I couldn't remember the name of the place I was staying. I knew it was something with Lodge in the title, but apparently everything has Lodge in the title there. I spent $3 calling Juneau trying to find out where I was staying. $3 to call less than 300 miles. Fortunately one of the ladies there at the lodge knew one of the tellers at the CU called her up. She even brought me to my rental car place. I was praying they wouldn't give me a minivan. But alas, I got there and the guy had me put my stuff in a faded green minivan. Luckily that was just to take me to my ride - a Ford Expedition, Eddie Bauer Edition.

I drove straight to the CU as I was supposed to meet the other teller there. I waited and waited and saw no one show up and the lights were dark inside (from what I could see through the house door leading into the CU). The CU was inside a general store type of shop. They had furniture right next to ammo, which was right next to the CU. I decided to check into my room. When I got there, they showed me around my room but gave me no key. I was situated in a building w/ two bedrooms with a bunk bed to each, a kitchen, bathroom and dining area. The dining room table, which had the word LIFETIME molded into the plastic (which must have been the brand b/c it certainly couldn't be the warranty), had an old TV on it that didn't get and TV channels. It only played VHS, of which I had 3 to choose from, Enemy of the State, Heist and Heartbreakers. All Gene Hackman movies.

I went back to the CU and it was still dark inside, but I saw movement. It was the teller who was supposed to meet me there. She'd apparently been there the whole time. She just likes to leave the door unlocked and the lights off (rather than the other way around) so no members will come in before they open. The branch consisted of 2 teller stations and the manager's office/vault room, which had no door. So members were able to see us loading piles of money into the vault. The new teller and I went to the post office to get our shipment of money from the fed, which consisted of over a hundred grand in currency and several thousand in coin. We transported it to the branch and huffed it up the stairs armed with nothing but my knife for protection from robbers and pree-verts. The members were lined up out the door and one of them exclaimed, "Holy cow!" when one of the bundles of money fell into view. That was nothing. It was only about 20,000 in fifties and hundreds. Of course, if it were Hollywood it would have been a million dollars.

The day consisted of counting money and helping members. We closed at 5, but didn't get out of there until nearly 7, and we still weren't done. We only had half the money counted and we didn't finish the vault b/c it was off from the day before. It was a mess. After that I needed a drink. On the CU of course. I couldn't find a store in town that sold alcohol, which shocked me immensely. How could anyone live in a town like that and not drink? So I went back to the Yakutat Lodge and had a beer and a ham-a-burger. That was the first thing I'd eaten all day, not counting the itty bitty bag of pretzels from the plane ride. The bartender even built me a frilly drink w/ pineapple juice. I had asked for a Mike's Hard Lemonade, but they didn't have it. The barkeep apparently hadn't even heard of it b/c she started naming off soft drinks they had instead. Too uptown for Yakutat I suppose. All the fishermen there were prolly thinking, "That's the girl who gets her salsa from New York City." After dinner I went home and fell right to sleep at 10 pm. I woke up the next morning at 9 am. I musta been tired. Normally I can't sleep for 11 hours unless I really try.

Sorry, my door doesn't swing that way.

I got back from Yakutat on Friday. I was gonna post several lengthy threads about my trip, but I just had to say this first. I got hit on by my first lesbian tonight at the bar. I mean a real lesbian, not the everyday bicurious I normally get hit on by. We'll call her Beverly for the purposes of this blog. I saw her dancing very closing to what I assumed was her girlfriend earlier in the night. It looked like bumper cars. Then later she came over and touched my friend's shoulder and asked her to dance. My friend of course turned her down and said we were leaving. Then Beverly asked me, begged me, to dance as she rubbed her hand up and down my side. I said we were leaving for The Imperial (another bar). Like I was gonna dance with her after she asked my friend first! After about a half hour at The Imperial I saw Beverly show up. She followed us! Luckily she didn't see me or I might have a mullet, a wallet chain and an adopted Korean daughter by now named LeeAnn because we wanted something oriental sounding.

Yakutat

So the manager of the credit union's Yakutat branch had a medical emergency so they need a supervisor to go over there for the week. The CU is gonna fly me over and put me up in a hotel. They're even gonna pay for my meals and rent me a car. I hope it's a Trans Am. I feel so important. Maybe I should buy a briefcase or something.

After I agreed to go, I was then informed that the most experienced teller there has only been working 3 weeks. The other two have only been there a couple days. Oh Joy.

Tour Guide

Frank came to visit me on Tuesday and I played tour guide. We went hiking up the Perseverance Trail and saw the glacier and stuff. Click on the photo of me fanning myself with the great big prehistoric leaf for a gallery.

This photo was taken at the end of our day at the start of the Historal Mining Trail (yes, that's the name). We were gonna hike down the trail more but the No See 'Ems were eating us alive...I seen 'em!

Blog Rating

A while back I checked to see what my blog was rated. It got a G rating. I decided to check again to see if my previous post made it any more edgy.



I now have a PG rating, but not for the words sexy or bosom, but for the words gun (2x) and poop (1x). Dirty liberals... Why is gun bad? Oh, no! I just said gun again. Crap!

Teriana.com

Jessica finally got me convinced to register www.teriana.com. I didn't want it turning into some porn site like jessica.com. I did find a reference to Teriana on http://www.sexy-girls-ru.com. And when I search for photos of Teriana, I find this picture of some poor kitty trapped in a woman's bosom. And this one where someone believes the image of Jesus appears in their dog's behind. Interestingly, I can find a link to my Fudgie in Juneau blog halfway down the search results when I search for Teriana, but when I search for Fudgie, it's not even in the top 500.

As you will notice if you visit teriana.com, it just forwards you to here. Not sure what I'll do with it yet. Before I set up the forward, tho, there was a parked page with a bunch of google adwords with terrain in them. That must be what they figured I meant. The other ads were in a different language, like Teriana is so weird it can't be English.

Root Canal

I got a root canal today. My tooth is pretty sore. They had to give me an extra shot half way through 'cause I could start to feel them poking around in there. Even my eyeball was numb afterward. I was pretty surprised. They got it done in just 2 hours. The last root canal I had was a molar and it took 3 or 4 visits to a specialist. Plus an extra visit with my regular dentist to replace the temporary filling the specialist put in with a permanant one. What a racket!

Garage Sale

There was a big garage sale this weekend next door to the gun store. It was all the stuff this local guy who shot himself had accumulated in preparation for the end of the world. Sad story really. He was dead a week before they checked on him when his mail began to pile up. He had 4 storage spaces filled with tools, clothes, hunting and fishing stuff, pots and pans, surplus military stuff, weapons...you name it. My boss got two truck loads of stuff and he got there at the end of the first day. I got a couple scuba diving masks, some flippers plus a big bag to hold it all, some misc fishing stuff and a little GI belt all for $15. Now all I need is a wet suit and an air tank. And to get certified for scuba diving, I guess.

More Tram Pics

The other day I went up the Mount Roberts Tramway again with one of my roommates. Took some more photos and hiked up a trail. There was one very vocal chipmunk that was not happy to see me. It came so close I nearly got my foot in the picture. I took the last photo at a spot where we met a nice older couple from Detroit who were on a cruise. My roommate offered to take their picture so they snuggled up together and the guy said, "I hope my wife doesn't see this."

Mount Roberts Tram

Good News!

I was cleaning my room and found an open box of Snowmen Peeps in my closet I'd been ripening since Christmas. Mmmm....

Speaking of ripe, I also found the package of green beans wrapped in a t-shirt that I used as an ice pack when I got my wisdom teeth out. Gross, huh? There was mold growing right in the arm pit, but I don't think it was from the rotting vegetables.

Ugh!!

Anne Hathaway -- the first item on my list of things I could live without -- is playing beloved author Jane Austen in the upcoming movie "Becoming Jane." Oh, the humanity! She ain't even English. She'll probably portray Austen as a bubble-headed teenager with much sucess and then pose topless at the end so as not to be typecast.

Cool Whip

Look at my awesome truck. Cool, huh? Yup, I thought so too. I edited out the bird poop on the window. I've finally named it after a year of ownership...Mud Runner. The mountian in the background is at the start of Perseverance Trail where an old mining operation used to be. At the foot is a river where much of Juneau gets its water.

Field Trip

I got to go to the new Home Depot store today for work to buy some stuffs. It was just like the store back home. I couldn't find anything and none of the staff helped me. They had some awesome sinks there. Almost makes me wanna buy a house just to have a cool sink. I'd put it next to my bed so I wouldn't have to get up to brush my teeth. Speaking of which, I have to get two root canals. Two! Plus a myriad of fillings and crowns. I wish I coulda gotten my dad's good teeth instead of my mom's good physique. Thin with a thin wallet isn't much fun.

Bullwinkle

Woo hoo! I got a moose permit. Yippee, yippee, yippee! My area is East Central Tanana Flats and Mountains, whatever that means. I'm so excited. Can't wait. My season starts in September.

Tram

Here's the rest of my photos from atop Mount Roberts. Sorry for you stone age dial up users. I'll mail you the pics. It'll be faster.

Yippee!

Got a 6% raise at the Credit Union. I'm that much closer to my Trans Am now. I've been meaning to post for the last two weeks. At the CU we got $250 Fun Bucks that we got to use any way we wanted. We went up the Mt. Roberts Tram and I've been meaning to post my pics, but I forgot my camera at the gun store. Here's the one pic I have. And we still made it to the Wednesday meeting on time.

Notice the knife in my hand to back up our Fearless Leader. Also notice how I'm at the back of the pack ready to outrun my companions should said Fearless Leader get eaten.

Airline Miles

Got my Alaska Airlines Visa today. Those crazy SOBs gave me an $8,000 credit limit! That's nearly twice what my Cabela's card limit is. Got my 20,000 free airline miles too. Yippee! They even gave me a cute baby credit card to carry on my keychain.

Tellers

The employees are dropping like flies at the credit union. It's gotten so bad at the other branch in Juneau that they've pulled people from accounting to work the "front line." Even the President and CEO pulled a teller drawer. And today their most experienced teller put in his two weeks. I think they've lost 5 or 6 people in a little over a month. We're now offering referral and signing bonuses for new employees. Where was that when I applied?

At my branch we went from 5 employees to 3 in a week. So I'm the head teller of all two of us. The other teller is going to be moving soon, but we were finally able to hire a new person today. So I'll be the seasoned veteran having been there a whole 5 months.

Not a post for the faint of heart

Just got my wisdom teeth yanked out at noon today. I was nervous enough going in, then I see the doctor had a bad eye. Like a cat that got hit by a car. "Oh great," I thought. The man is going to perform oral surgery on me with one eye.

He said my roots were growing in towards each other so he had to cut them out. But I was knocked out for the whole thing. He stuck the IV in my arm and I was able to get out that I don't like looking at needles and that I'm originally from MI and I was gone. I woke up an hour and a half later and I remember before I was even completely lucid that I put on chapstick.

It's now 2 1/2 hours after the surgery and my tongue and chin are still numb. Finally got the bleeding slowed. Bled all over my shirt and in the sink. I couldn't swallow the blood 'cause it made me sick. Been using a pack of frozen green beans to help w/ the swelling. Not all bad, tho. At least I got to stay home from work and watch Judge Judy. Nothing funny with this post at all other than my boss said he'd be pulling for me.

Woo Hoo!

Bought my first mutual fund! I'm well on my way to having...one millon dollars (in the voice of Dr. Evil). It's a utilities fund. I figure they're so good in Monopoly that they must be good in real life. Maybe next I'll buy into the railroads. Them are gonna be big!

Man! A 401(k), an IRA and a potfolio? If I didn't have my big sister to compare myself to I'd say I was old ;-)

Dentist

Went to the dentist today. She told me no more Dr Pepper. Might as well tell me don't breathe. 'No more breathing, it's bad for your teeth. If you do breathe, try to only breathe during a meal and brush right after. Don't be sipping air all day.'

And I found out I have a missing tooth. One of my incisors never came in. The Dr said one of them was bigger than all the others so I musta got a 1 for 2 deal. I'm amazed that none of my other dentists pointed that out. Hacks!

I have to get my wisdom teeth removed. The receptionist told me most people are out of work for 4 or 5 days when they get their wisdom teeth removed. Blah...

Good Samaritan

The other day a lady walked into the CU and exclaimed, "You're Teriana!" And I, of course, said no in case she was w/ the government and they'd found the bodies. She then said she had something for me and held up my wallet. Apparently it had fallen out of my coat pocket when I was sitting in the vestibule of the Spam Can (the bldg I work in) waiting for another coworker to arrive. I didn't even know it was missing.

That was the second time a Good Samaritan had found my wallet and returned it fully intact. The time before that it had fallen out of my coat pocket in the parking lot at Fred Meyer. A nice couple found it and saw me loading my groceries in my SUV (pronounced suhv) and returned it. Next time I might not be so lucky. A member came into the CU and told me her purse had been ripped from her hands right in the front of the capitol building. Maybe I should put a chain on my wallet. But then I'd have to grow a mullet and start listening to K.D. Lang.

Tourist Season is Here...

...And I haven't even sighted in my rifle yet.

When I was at the gun store this weekend a couple from San Francisco came off the cruise ship asking about good fishing spots. The wife was admiring a big wolverine pelt hanging on the rack. She asked her husband what it was and he said, "I don't know, but it's beautiful." Then the wife declared, "It's an otter." An otter?! How could you confuse a wolverine w/ an otter?!!! Sigh, Californians.

Work

So I got myself a part time job. I'm working weekends at this little gun shop, which I said I would never do again b/c of all the jerkwads I had to put up w/ a Jay's Sporting Goods who thought women couldn't know anything about sporting goods. The pay starts at $10/hr, and if I make it past the first month it goes to $11/hr. Makes me realize I'm underpaid at the credit union. I better ask my boss for a raise before we fill the position we're hiring for and she has someone better to compare me to.

Today at the CU we had our Wednesday training that we have on Wednesdays. The operations supervisor brought cards and she spread them on the table and asked questions. When we got one right we got to pick a card and at the end, whoever had the best hand won a $5 gift card (which I won w/ an ace high straight). After we were done we still had 20 mins left so I suggested we play real poker. One of our members walked by and peered in the window and saw us sitting around a table playing cards and betting candy. She pulled on the door, but of course we were closed, so we tried to look as busy as possible until she left. I bet she was pissed.

Tourist Season

The tourists are coming! The tourists are coming! The first cruise ship rolled into town on Sunday. And we almost got a record breaking amount of rain over the weekend. Today when I went out for lunch I saw four helecopters flying overhead. Showing the tourist the highway and soppy marshes, no doubt.

I don't go out for lunch that much, but I had to drop off my brand new notary stamp at the stamp place because they spelled my name wrong. I can see how they made the mistake. My name was only printed in size 24 font on my notary certificate. At $3.18 a gallon it was not a trip I wanted to make.

I saw my first real live cruise ship tonight. I had to look twice 'cause at first glance I thought it was a building it was so huge. Later on when it floated into the channel I was able to snap a few photos of it. This thing was ginormous. It was like a floating city. Every once in a while I'd see a tiny flash and I realized, people were photographing me.

Direct Deposit

So on February 17th I faxed my direct deposit form to HR to have my paycheck auto deposited to my account at work. I waited two pay periods (4 weeks), but it didn't go in. I figured I musta missed the cutoff date for that pay period when I originally sent the fax, so I waited another two weeks. Still got a paper check. I emailed the human resources generalist and she informed me she never received my fax.

Back to the drawing board. I sent my fax again, waited two full pay periods and on 4/30 got a note on my pay stub saying my DD would begin after verification and it listed my account info. Finally! This evening I was looking over my pay stub, lamenting on how much taxes the government takes out even though I upped my exemptions from 1 to 3, when I saw that the routing number listed was incorrect. They got the routing number for their own damn bank wrong! I'm gonna be super pissed if I have to start all over.

Interviews

The Human Resources Generalist left today or was fired (haven't heard the latest official gossip yet) so I sat in on interviews. They like to have two people sit in on the interview so one can ask questions and the other can look intimidating.

The first girl had a heavy coating of perfume. Now, I've got nothing against smelling like a French whore, but it still filled the room a half hour after she was gone. The second interview was over the phone. The woman lives in Texas and she is going to be moving up to Alaska. Apparently not to Juneau, though. A couple minutes into the call it was discovered that she's moving to Fairbanks. That would be one hell of a commute.

Happy May Day

It's May Day. Apparently it's much more celebrated in this area than in the Midwest. No paid holiday though, so it can't be that special.

This little old lady came into the credit union today. Well, she actually wasn't that little. She prolly had a couple inches on me and I'm 5'6", so she was tall for a little old lady. She came in w/ a list of 18 relatives she wanted write $12,000 checks to. She whittled the list down to 14 'cause 4 of them owed her money. My co-worker asked me to add her to the list, "I don't owe her money," she said. I wanna know when my rich relative is gonna come out of the woodwork and leave me money.

Coffee anyone?

Went out to the Viking again. I only planned to have a couple wine coolers, but there was a lady there who kept buyin' the group I was w/ drinks. She ended up spending dang near $300 before the night was through. I had a couple more wine coolers and Smurf Piss shooters. Also this little bitty guy who I opened an account for at the credit union, and who also happened to be my boss's nephew, bought me a shot of Jack and a Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Even w/ all that there were still people there drunker than me and conscious. This one guy introduced me to his ex wife and her sister. I was chatting w/ the sister when the ex wife came up and started running her hands up and down my hair. She was saying, "Have you felt her hair yet?" Like it was such a commonplace event to touch someone's hair that you've only know for seven and a half seconds. It was all too much for me. When I went home and laid down to go to sleep I puked in my little 4 cup coffee maker. Filled it to the brim.

Alaskan French Toast

You'll never guess what I learned today. French toast bread here comes w/ sesame seeds. Can you believe that?!! Sesame seeds! On French toast! That's like dipping a hamburger bun in batter and cooking it. I was mortified when I found out.

Oh, yeah. And I'm home from work early today. They evacuated the building I work in (AKA the Spam Can). Sometime in the 10 am hour this morning, security guards found a suspicious package behind the building and the Juneau PD were called. They blocked traffic to West 3rd St to investigate. We were told not to use our cell phones in case it was a bomb that we could detonate it.

Walking home during lunch I passed a mean looking police officer scowling at me w/ his arms crossed. He didn't even smile back at me. When I was walking back from lunch I was even asked to walk on the other side of the street. They decided to evacuate the Spam Can and the nearby State Office Building (SOB) at around 2 pm. Me and the girls at work decided to hang around downtown and have lunch in case we had to go back to work (lunch on the Credit Union, of course). But we got the okay from the CEO to just go home after we ate. By that time all of Main Street surrounding the buildings had been blocked and there were uniforms at every road leading to the suspicious package. Even the state troopers were there and an ambulance was called.

In the middle of writing this an officer knocked on my door saying they are going to be removing the package at 5 pm and that it is recommended that I leave. I have to eat French toast w/ sesame seeds. What else is there to live for?

Update: I did leave about 5 mins to 5, I walked around in the rain for 20 mins downtown. Then I went back home. They have cops all over the place but I was able to walk up and down and back up the wooden set of stairs that leads to my road w/ no problems. Now there's a cop right outside my front door. They even got the bomb robot out. I bet it will end up being someone's garbage.

Update 2: They're letting people onto my road now. I guess it's over (6:30 pm). I was kinda thinking a little explosion might be exciting. Then I found out the package was stuffed under a fuel tank. It's about 40 yards from bedroom. Still no word on what was in the package.

Update 3 from the Juneau Empire: Authorities said Thursday no charges would be filed in a bomb scare that led police last week to shut down a section of downtown Juneau near the State Office Building for more than six hours.The suspected bomb turned out to be a coffee maker, said Sgt. Dave Campbell, a police spokesman."

"Your standard Mr. Coffee drip-style coffee maker," Campbell said.

Investigators determined neither the coffeepot nor the backpack holding it was left to create a scare, he said. The backpack was found under a 6,000-gallon tank of diesel fuel. Personal items found with the coffee maker led police to the owner, Campbell said.

Lap of luxery

I found these...vehicles in the storage yard where I keep my trailer. You can even see my trailer w/ the silver tarp in the background of the first image. It's a famous trailer now. I can charge double when I sell it.

Takin' Care of Business

Yesterday was my first day at work filling in for the manager. It wasn't all horrible. I was 5 minutes late 'cause I couldn't find my work keys. I was running all over the house looking for them. I checked the most likely places over and over and I even looked in the places I knew they wouldn't be. Just when I gave up and was about to shut the door I saw them. Then when I got to work I had to do a surprise cash count (where someone else counts the teller's cash drawer to make sure they're not fibbing on the amounts and pocketing money). I was busy all day long. I couldn't even get all my reports done. I don't know how the manager gets any work done w/ all of us interrupting her w/ questions every 5 minutes. Tisk, tisk.

Happy Seward's Day

Ah, yes. Another paid holiday from work. Brief history lesson: William Seward purchased Alaska (Seward's Icebox) from Russia in 1867 for about two cents an acre. They called it Seward's Folly, and might still today if it wasn't for, ya know, all the gold and oil and what not.

Alaska has not one, but two purely Alaskan holidays. Seward's Day and Alaska Day. Something I noticed almost immediately after moving here is how proud Alaskans are to be Alaskans. It shows in their advertisements. "Trailers made for Alaskan loads on Alaskan roads." In Michigan they brag if a business is family owned. Here, it's Alaskan owned since 19...the dawn of time. The A&P stands for Alaskan & Proud instead of The Great Atlantic & Pacific Tea Company like it does in the rest of the US and Canada.

Avalanche

Pix of avalanche
There was a controlled avalanche today in Juneau. The State of Alaska fired a Howitzer canon across the Gastineau Channel to remove the snow from Mt. Roberts under safe conditions. Almost immediately, photos were passing through emails (see linky above). One witness kept describing the blume of snow, but I'm sure he meant plume and wasn't refering to Carl Ludwig Blume, a German-Dutch botanist from the 19th century.

A blume of snow came over half way into the channel. This to us, in our generation (and the 18 years I've been in Douglas, 10 years in this office) is the biggest slide we experienced. I've seen pictures in the past like this. But to experience it live out of our window is worth a HOLY CRAP out of everybody's mouth. Even the Douglas boat harbor parking lot is full with vehicles of people watching the show. I should be down there with popcorn, beverages and hot nuts. Looks like a
drive-inn movie parking outside my office window. LOL

Just heard a warning on the radio just now that made us all laugh. 45 minutes into the canon shooting, they make an announcement that from 10:45 until 1pm today, there will be no travel on Thane Road during this time. LOL. Ummmm, I think no travel will be for 1 to 2 days. This is gonna take a long time to plow the road out. The avalanche is at least quarter mile in length across the road, and past the beach line in the channel.

Knew this was gonna happen, especially when we hit #1 in most snowfall in Juneau as of this morning, by 4 inches over the record back in 1965. Plus the rain today is making everything heavy all around.

Here's a little more official report, if you're interested.

New Toy

Look what I ordered myself using my Cabela's points. They didn't even charge extra to ship to AK.

Coleman Jump Start

Oooh, ahhhh.

Now I can jump myself...that doesn't sound right.

Et Cetera

I discovered yesterday that the back hatch of my 4runner wasn't latched all the way so my battery went dead. It was so dead, in fact, that the power locks wouldn't work. I had to fish out my spare key. The little light that tells my if my doors are open wasn't even on.

Last night I opened up a Roth IRA online (yawn, stretch). So, Jessica, how does it feel knowing your baby sister has a 401(k) and an IRA? Pretty old, huh? Me too. Today I was asking my boss a question about IRAs and I mentioned I opened one. She interrupted me, "With who?!!" "T Rowe Price," I said sheepishly. Does she expect me to have all my accounts at the credit union? I only opened a savings account there to get the free money orders.

Title Goes Here

I hate when we have to spring forward. This morning I woke up at 8:25 (had to be to work at 8:30). I've never gotten ready so fast in my life. After I got to work and woke up, I had not one but two cups of coffee. And yes, in that order.

Today I got to pick my own code for the alarm at the bank. But what was even more exciting was that I got to sign my own money order. I used to have to take them to the branch manager to sign, and if she was busy, the loan officer. Today I brought one to the manager and she said I could sign my own. I walked back to my station all tall and proud and wrote my John Hancock. It was so exciting, but it was over so fast.

Guess what...

You'll never guess so I'll just tell you, I got promoted at work. I'm now a Teller III (instead of a Teller I). I couldn't believe it! The branch manager said I handle customers with problems well and I'm doing things other tellers haven't done after being there such a short time. That was a big confidence booster. After she said that it was like I wanted to start doing everything better.

I start training Monday. The branch manager is going on vacation on the 28th so I'll be acting in her place by opening and closing the branch and such. So now if I set off the alarm I'll know the code :)

The dishwasher was finally hooked up at the house, my shower was fixed after being redone to remove mold, and best of all, we got 35 cent Dr Peppers at work and replenishments for the candy dishes. So today was a good day.

Crazy Dream

Had another one of my weird dreams. I was a lifegaurd at a lake. I saw this flying pontoon boat, a popular new toy for the rich and famous. I watched it land hard on the lake and one of the occupants flew out. When I jumped in to rescue her she got mad at me, saying she didn't need my help yet and she never asked for it. I got her sunglasses wet.

Later in the dream, my sister was expecting her second child. It arrived in a pizza box. I took the box and tipped the delivery man. I opened the box and saw the baby there next to a cheese pizza. "It's a girl!" I exclaimed to everyone as I extracted the child. The umbilical cord and womb juices were still on the baby. She was tiny enough to fit in one hand, but her face was like that of a child of 5. She had my face, my neice's freckles, my brother's chin when she smiled and my chin when she wasn't smiling. She had a full head of hair, neatly cut to medium length that curled up at the end.

The Viking

Last night I went out w/ my boss to The Viking, a local karaoke bar. She bought me a birthday beer. There were a few good singers, mostly employees, and mostly country songs were sung. One lady came in and offered everybody free condoms...blue ones at that. "I'm good, thanks," I told her politely so she'd go away. When condum lady got up to sing we joked she was going to sing "I'm Too Sexy" or "Let's Get It On". She sang "Proud Mary" and she sang it well. One guy gave me his business card that he had wrote notes to himself on. The insolence! Don't worry. Even if he hadn't given me a used business card I wouldn't be calling him back. He had a pony tail for goodness sake (full body shiver).

The Viking is a pretty cool place. In front is the karaoke part w/ a full bar. In back is the "night club" part. Comes complete w/ black lights, thumpin' music and a pole for drunk women w/ nice personalities to rub up and down against. There's even a martini station. I didn't have any of those frilly drinks. Just Miller Lite and a Purple Hooter for me. There's a set of restrooms in between the two parts so bathroom goers get a jumbled mess of karaoke and hip hop. Up top is a pool room w/ several pool tables and quieter music.

If you're ever in JNU and you're not a hundred, I recommend it as a stop. But don't come hungry. There's no kitchen to speak of. And be prepared for the label shock. My Miller Lites were $3.50 a bottle! If you are a hundred, the Alaskan Hotel & Bar (The A$$ Can) might be more your scene. Opened in 1913, you might remember when some of the old artwork and appliances came out (tee hee hee).

It's My Berf-day

As of 9:26 am EST, I'm 22 years old. (crickets chirp) okay, not that exciting of a birthday. My next momentous one won't be for another 8 years. I'm sure no matter how old I get, my mom will still be reminiscing with stories of how she remembers when I was this big (as she cradles her arms together). She never does that w/ my older brother or sister. (sigh) BOTF syndrome, I 'spose.

My boss at work decorated my station w/ a birthday banner and confetti. And one of my other co-workers faxed into the radio station and they announced my birthday on the radio. I'm famous.

It's C-C-Cold Outside

Blizzard warning in effect for SE Alaska. I can tell the locals aren't prepared. There were countless people running around outside in whiteout conditions in sweatshirts and no hat or gloves - hands burried deep into their jeans pockets to keep warm. The weather report on the radio was, and I quote, "About nearly 20 inches possible."

It was sloooooooow at work today. I guess not many people wanted to run to the bank in a snow storm. I did a lot of busy work. One of my co-workers tortured me w/ 80s music she loaded onto her phone. She was getting me back for the little bit of country I put on my mixed CDs I bring in. 80s music. Blah! Nothing good ever came from the 80s...except me.

Even w/ the bad music, I wish I could have stayed at work a little longer. I came home and the heat in the house was off. Figures! The coldest day since I got to Alaska and it's the day the heat breaks. The pantry is colder than the fridge. My Dr Pepper is slushy. I'm bundled up in my hat, gloves, 3 shirts, two pairs of pants, long johns and two pairs of socks. It's hard to type. I plugged in my heater, but it's broke too. It set off the smoke detector w/in 30 seconds. Bugger!

It's official! Alaskans love their coffee!

And why not? It's hard to wake up in December and still have 4 more hours of darkness. A recent study shows that Anchorage has more coffee shops per capita than any other city in the US. It has roughly 3 shops for every 10,000 people. Seattle, WA came in 2nd. I must say, I have noticed a plethora of coffee shops here in JNU. Just driving to the grocery store I pass at least a half a dozen little places. There's even a special brand of Alaskan coffee called Heritage brand coffee.

A couple other things I've noticed that AK has considerably more of than I'm used to are anti-smoking ads and get rich quick commercials. I can't go through a single commercial break without someone telling me I can make tens of thousands of dollars every month working from home, and they're going to show me how instead of keeping that information to themselves so they can make all the money. As my aunt Elaine would say, "Right!"

Bad Boys, Bad Boys...What'cha Gonna Do

Well, today I tested for the Juneau Police Department. I was kinda keeping it a secret b/c I was worried about passing the physical fitness standards. For those who don't know, I have asthma and was treated w/ a series of medications and inhalers as a child. Endurance has always been a challenge for me, so I've been running on my lunch break the past month and a half trying to make the minimum 1.5 mile in 17:17, which I've never been able to do on the treadmill. Jessica had been trying to build my confidence for a while, telling me I'd do it no problem. But of course I never believed her. She's my big sister. That's the rules.

After breezing through the written exam, I called my mom on my cell phone for support. She sung me a song that went something along the lines of I can do anything because I think I can do anything...or something like that. And she kept telling me I was going to run it in 15 mins. "Yeah right," I thought to myself. I was just praying I'd do it in 17:17.

And on top of everything else, the run was the last thing on the list to do, which I was unaware of. I had never done the 300 meter sprint, jump test, sit ups, push ups and mile and a half run one right after the other.

I actually thought about rescheduling so I could have more time to train. But, today came the tests. Now or never. I beat my personal best in every event. And I ran the 1.5 miles in 14:57. Guess Mom was right. My legs felt like they were going to snap like wishbones. I thought my head was going to pop when I bent down to stretch. I felt great.

Next comes the psycological tests (which I'm sure I'll fail miserably, maybe even set records) and personal interviews. Even if the Juneau PD doesn't pick me, I've never been prouder of myself.

It's frickin' freezing in here Mr. Bigglesworth

The past few days have been cold, snowy and windy. God is getting back at me for taunting my family in Michigan when it was single digits there and I was enjoying temps in the 30s. Now the tables have turned. I bundle up in my coat, hat, gloves, boots and scarf to walk the block to work. I must be getting soft. It's still in the 20s.

Today at work a gi-normous man came to my station to transfer some money. I asked for his ID so I could see how tall he was. Six foot nine. Big guy. That was about the high point of my day. That and this 80 y/o woman called in with what started as a problem she had at the ATM and turned into a story about the time her grandson borrowed her ATM card and forgot it in his wallet and went to the teen center. Then another story about her daughter borrowing it and bringing it to her condo. Then another story about her son who takes care of someone with Parkinson's disease. When my manager realized who I was on the phone w/ she wrote me a note telling me to take charge of the conversation or she'd go on forever.

So that's what people did before computers

My computer was broken for a week. I had to reinstall Windows. All my saved passwords, all my links in my favorites...gone. I have to type everything out again. Oh, the horror. I feel the carpal tunnel setting in already.

Good news, tho. I get Monday off. Presidents Day. Paid holiday. Yippee!

So what have I been doing without a computer for a week besides twiddling my thumbs? Working, watching TV, exercising and organizing my hundreds of hunting and truck magazines. That's 'bout it. On Friday we had a breakfast potluck at work. When the manager sent an email asking if anyone would be interested I replied, "Does this mean I have to cook something?" Her reply was, "You can bring juice." I slaved in the kitchen for minutes making that juice.

P.S. I added the last of the photos to my glacier album below. 56k modems beware. I wasn't able to resize before posting.

Glacier

Went to the glacier for the first time today. I don't know why, but I was expecting a scene w/ a big wall of snow, slowly breaking off into the sea. Instead I found something even better. The first thing I saw when I looked over the large, frozen meltwater was the glacier squeezing between two mountain peaks.

After snapping a few photos and making my way toward the center I heard the distinct sound of rushing water and saw a waterfall not too far off to the right...or so I thought. The shear size of the glacier made me think it was just a delightful jaunt to the base. I should have looked instead at the tiny, tiny people that looked like ants off in the distance. Of course, some people look like ants when your standing right next to them.

Halfway to the waterfall my tummy started rumbling and it reminded me I only had potato chips and wheat thins for breakfast. One thing after another that I just had to photograph distracted me on my way to the foot of the glacier. This was not the trek to wear my brand new boots I'd just got in the mail that day. After a couple hours and a good 60 snapshots, I finally got a close up of the beautiful blue ice formed by layer upon layer of snow and ice squeezing the air out of the ice below over thousands of years. So worth it.

Photos

Dream a Little Dream Part III

Last night aliens attacked the earth and brought us all to their home planet. Their planet was running out of food so they needed our technology for creating foods in laboratories. The beautiful people and the geniuses they used for breeding superhumans. The rest of us they put to work in mines or harvested our organs.

I was working in a mine when there was an accident and a group of humans were able to escape. Traveling across the unfamiliar planet, we discovered unusual animals that weren't as afraid of us as we were of them. There were giant worms like those black, yellow and white striped caterpillars you see on milk weeds, only a thousand times bigger. There were swarms of mosquito-like bugs that flew into your mouth and nose 'til you suffocated.

On the run from alien guards, we ran into a building to hide, which turned out to be a science facility where the aliens tested on humans. The aliens mistook us for the shipment of geniuses they were expecting. Since we were conveniently there, we became the next guinea pigs. Our horrible fate was to eat the food the aliens had just created. I had a bowl of cereal. It was disgusting. It took me a little while to put my finger on it, but the reason it was so horrid was because instead of milk, they were using a recipe for baby formula. I told them how to improve the milk and a bunch of other foods. I had a job that had been reserved for the genius humans. That's all I remember.

Dream a Little Dream Part II

Had another dream last night. This time I was in some run down prison. I escaped and one of the guards saw me so I cut his walkie talkie cord w/ a knife so he couldn't call for help. I hopped in a cruiser and he came along to try to apprehend me. After riding w/ me a while he decided life as a bad guy was better than life as a cop. When the FBI found us I left him behind and said I had kidnapped him so he wouldn't be in trouble. I was on the run for a while and the cops couldn't find my hideout. When they finally did catch me they let me go b/c they said I was good for publicity. They even gave me a 4runner to drive. If it were real life I would have had the sense to dump the 4runner in case they had bugged it to find out where my awesome hideout was.

Dream a Little Dream...

Had a dream last night. It took place at work, only work wasn't in its normal spot, it was on a boat. Like a riverboat casino...only a credit union. We just hired another teller. It was one of my childhood arch enemies, Danielle Vuke, that I haven't seen since 3rd grade.

Then there was an emergency alert on the radio and everyone was instructed to evacuate. I didn't know what was going on, but the whole city migrated towards the ferries. It was like a movie when everyone is trying to leave and the roads are one big traffic jam. Then I woke up.

Monay, monay, monay, monnnaaay...monnnaaay

Today was my first day working out of my own drawer at the credit union. The past few days I was working out of my manager's drawer w/ her looking over my shoulder. Twice I handed too much cash to customers and they pointed it out. And once I caught myself handing out an extra fifty. I specifically looked and nowhere in the job description did it say counting would be required. But at the end of the day my drawer balanced.

We got a shipment of money in today of $110,000 that I helped count. I've never seen so much money in my life. It would not have fit into one of those slim briefcases that bad buys in the movies use to transport a million dollars. The boss wouldn't let me rolls in it, though. Bugger!

Ravens

The ravens here are worse than seagulls. They roost like vultures in the McDonald’s parking lot waiting for someone to drop a French fry or at least look away so they can swoop down and claim an unsuspecting McChicken “sammich”. They’re bloated on leftovers and not afraid of people. The other day I was in a mall parking lot and one cawed at me from five feet away, perched on a pickup bed. I’m told they’ll sometimes open mail boxes and leave the mail strewn all over the street; no doubt looking to steal social security checks. Filthy beggars! I’d shoot one and stuff it for Thanksgiving if I didn’t think it would take my gun and come after me.

7 things I love...

...About my new job

7. The commute to work is great (2 minutes on foot)
6. Cookies on Casual Friday
5. Casual Friday
4. Pops are $0.35
3. I get to sit down a lot
2. I can raid the candy dishes
1. My name is on a name plate instead of my shirt


...About living in Juneau, AK vs. Podunk, MI

7. Two words, Cable TV
6. I live on oceanview property
5. I can abbreviate it down to JNU (and why is abbreviate such a long word anyhow?)
4. No slow moving farm vehicles
3. No wearing snowpants to work
2. I get 5 bars on my cell phone
1. Flannel and blue jeans are considered formal attire

Can I even call it a sports injury?

Don't mean for my posts to have a woe-is-me theme, but at least they're funny. I pulled a muscle in my right leg this morning. And it wasn't even doing something exciting like chasing after a purse snatcher or running from Satan. I pulled it in a big yawn-stretch in bed. I guess I overdid it a little on the treadmill the day before. What would the headline of this story read? Girl Injured in Overzealous Yawn? I iced my calf down w/ a package of frozen mixed vegetables in cheese sauce, but it was no use.

So I spent the whole day hobbling around work w/ my right foot pointing sharply to the side, dragging it like Igor from Frankenstein. It took me nearly 5 minutes to walk the block home from work this evening, which included the two times I had to stop to rest.

Nobody Knows My Sorrow

I recently made a comment of an annoying used car salesman that has commercials every day up here. Here's an annoying mattress salesman:



The song gets stuck in my head. Drives me nuts! And what's worse, my current TV has no mute button. I have to turn off the TV when it comes on. My first ridiculous commercial. I've heard about them before, but you never think it's gonna happen to you.

New job

My first day as a financial services specialist was very dry. Spent the entire day reading and training on the computer. There's SOOOO much stuff to learn. So many procedures to follow.

Second day was horrid. I arrived at work and saw the lights on in the branch manager's and loan officer's offices. I knew the manager had a doctor's appointment so she wouldn't be there, but I assumed the loan officer was in. Her desk is obscured by the teller station so I couldn't actually see her.

I unlocked the door and proceded to try to lock it up after I was inside. There was an annoying beeping behind me, but I paid no attention to it. Then I suddenly realized that was the alarm! I ran over to the loan officer's office since she had the code, but no one was in there. I frantically tried to dial the manager but my fingers fumbled and I was freaking out.

The loan officer showed up just as I reached the manager and she disarmed the alarm. The 60 second window had already passed so the police had to be called to let them know it was a false alarm. The manager asked if the "All Clear" sign was up before I walked in. Doh! I forgot about that. There's a sign the opening person puts up to let the tellers know they can come in. Never even looked for it.

I was so embarrassed! The loan officer tried to comfort me saying it was alright and we'd laugh about it one day. But I couldn't get my mind off it for over half the day. I figured I would be there for at least a couple weeks before I made my first big mistake. Sigh...

Got a job! Yippee! Starting Thursday I'm going to be a Financial Services Specialist (teller) at a credit union. Not horrible pay. Eleven something an hour plus benefits. So after my 90 days I'll never have to floss again. Hee, hee. Plus, it's a block from my house so I can walk to work and eat lunch at home and they're still gonna give me a credit for parking. Also looking at a possible part time job as an administrative assistant/web editor. Keep your fingers crossed.

Translating Alaskan to English

If my need of regional attire, Michigan plates and lack of fish aroma weren’t enough to give me away as a fudgie, apparently I also have an accent. Two people have actually told me I have an accent. I couldn’t believe it! Apparently Alaskans have their own dialect the rest of the country isn’t aware of. I haven’t noticed any difference. I take comfort in the fact that Midwesterner’s vernacular is the most like true English, so if anyone has an accent, it ain’t us.

You won’t hear any talk of Indians unless someone is discussing a recent call to a customer service agent for a US-based company. Eskimos are referred to as Natives. Not Native Americans, just Natives. It’s funny how in Michigan even the Indians call themselves Indians.

They don’t count all the points on a buck either, they only count one side. So my 8 point is called a 4 point. I don’t know what they’d call a 9 point. A 4 ½ point? You’re allowed six deer a year and up to four in a day. Southeast AK has seasons for black and brown bear, deer, elk, goat, moose, wolf, wolverine and a variety of small game.

Alaskan to English Dictionary:

Break up (brake uhp) - The period at the end of winter and the beginning of spring. In Michigan this time of year is referred to as late winter

Build the Road (billd thah rode) - An abbreviation for, "Build the Road Juneau to Skagway." A bumper sticker found on the vehicles of more enlightened individuals in support of a highway between said cities. Those opposed to the road linking Juneau to the "outside" created their own bumper sticker stating, "Why extend the dead end? Ferries go all the way," proving that they can in fact rhyme.

Cheekako (chee-kah-koh) - Newbie to Alaska.

Juneau Sneakers (joo-noh sneek-ers) - Galoshes, rubber boots.

Outside (owt-side) - Any state other than Alaska.

Sourdough (sow-er-doh) - Long time resident of Alaska. One becomes a sourdough by killing a bear, urinating in the Yukon and sleeping with a Native.

Termination dust (ter-min-nay-shun dust) - The first light powdering of snow on the mountain peaks signaling the end of summer.

Zero lot (zere-oh laht) - A duplex.

Weather Forcast: Blah

The weather is mostly mild. In December it was only below freezing one day and in the 40s most of the time. I don’t think the road commission is used to a lot of snow. They seem to salt and sand the crap out of everything after a light dusting. Parking lots have so much gravel in them it’s like trying to push a shopping cart through a rock pile. Instead of regular snow plows they have bulldozers…in case they get a full foot, I suppose.

One thing I wasn’t prepared for was the rain. I thought Juneau gets rain like Gaylord gets snow. Well, Juneau gets rain like Gaylord got snow just before the glacier receded creating the Great Lakes. People walk around everywhere in rubber boots. Well-mannered, otherwise normal looking people out in public with ugly brown or olive drab rubber boots with their pant legs tucked in. Haven’t they ever heard of boots with Gore-Tex? I don’t care how long I stay here, until I see the animals lining up two by two to get on the boat the local crazy just built, I am NOT wearing galoshes.

And in case you’re wondering, I’m not overcome with 6 months of darkness. That’s much farther north. As I’m writing this, sunrise is at 8:32 am and sunset is at 3:44 pm (as compared to 8:14/5:25 in Gaylord). So I enjoy about four good hours of daylight when I wake up at noon ;-)

I'd buy that for a dollar!

I bought a cup at a store that was like a coffee mug cut in two. It read, "Alaska was so expensive I could only afford half a cup!" It’s fairly accurate. I think it’s a combination of being a bigger city than what I’m used to and the fact that it’s Juneau, Alaska and the only way here is by plane, boat or birth canal ‘cause so many locals oppose a road connecting it to the rest of the world. Gas is $2.81 a gallon, or $2.71 if I use my Fred Meyer’s card. Fred Meyer is an everything store kind of like Wal-Mart but without the selection and the everyday low prices. There’s no such thing as a dollar store here. In fact, the McDonalds Dollar Menu is $1.50.

Life in Juneau

Juneau isn’t really different than I expected because I didn’t know what to expect. It’s a great place so far. What other city of 30,000 can you go to and be surrounded by mountains? It’s a big town compared to "Podunk, Population: 1500" where I grew up that didn’t even have a blinking stoplight to watch for fun. Everyone here always says Juneau is a small town and sometimes they roll their eyes for emphasis. If they think the 2nd most populated city in the state is small I wonder what they think a big place is. Detroit? LA? Asia? Is there a certain number of Starbucks locations required to make that leap from a small town to a big city?

The roads took some getting used to. Most of the stop signs have been replaced by yield signs. You turn onto another street by way of miniature on and off ramps. The main roads are divided like highways, but the speed limit is still 55 mph. I hate divided roadways, but I guess they’re a necessary evil in a bigger city. I’m sure Gaylord will have to have them in a few million years.

Moving in

Got my trailer unloaded at my new place on the 3rd. Took me over 4 hours. What was I thinking when I packed up some of these huge boxes?!! If I couldn't load them onto the trailer on my own how could I unload them? I was sore all over the next day. Still haven't got everything unpacked and situated in my new room, but I'm working on it. I've got so much space now I don't have enough junk to fill it.

Got a note on my trailer today from to Juneau Police Dept. It said if I don't move my trailer by the 14th they're going to fine me and tow it. Apparently there's some ordnance that says you can only park a non-motorized vehicle on a city street for an hour. So now I have to rent storage space for some ungodly amount money.

First time blogger

My first post on my blog. Yippee! Now I don't have to clutter your inboxes w/ updates. There was an earthquake in AK on the 9th at 6:49 am. Registered 5.7 in the Richter scale. Originated 57 miles west of Haines, which is something like 65 miles north of Juneau (i'm guesstimating). My first real live earthquake and I slept right through it. Bugger!

I finally have all the stuff to make coffee. First I bought the creamer (the most important part). Then I unpacked the coffee maker (which I found out I neglected to remove the old filter from when I packed it up last winter). Then I bought coffee a few days ago and finally today I bought some filters for it. Maybe now I'll be awake for the next earthquake.